Case 005: Shooting Stars Come Outfiled September 22, 2019
After years of research carried out by The InQueery’s Queer Sciences Department, we can now confirm that shooting stars are, in fact, gay.
In a paper presented at this year’s Space Congress on Sex and Gender, The InQueery cites multiple influences for the queering of the astronomical phenomenon: NBC’s “The More You Know” PSA campaign, Katy Perry’s performance of “Firework” at the 2015 Super Bowl, and the iconic crash entrances of the nonbinary, body-positive video game character, Kirby. Although there has been much debate over the last twenty years, NASA using a single 🌠 emoji instead of ☄️ to caption a recent Instagram picture of the Perseids meteor shower was the glue for the press-ons of this cosmological debut.
When asked for comment about our conclusion, queer poll volunteers offered that they “[feel] like it makes sense.” We interviewed one lesbian who witnessed a shooting star while walking back to her Voltswagen Jetta at Stop & Shop last November, “I’d never seen one before, so I wasn’t quite sure how to do that wishing shit…but when I saw it blazin’ through the night sky, I did feel at peace. I knew in that moment that we were made from the same stuff.”
“We know Shakespeare loved embellishing his writing with shooting stars,” said a queer professor of Literature at the University of Chicago, “which is gay enough for me.“
”I just like the shimmery snail trail shooting stars leave in their wake,” said a resident of Carefree Cove, a LGBTQ retirement community nestled in the mountains of Appalachia. “They remind me of chance and passing moments.”
The Bottom Line: If Madonna has a song about it, it’s a gay bullseye.
Rating: The inevitable casting of Troye Sivan as a new pal for Jules on season two of Euphoria